I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
