she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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