Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
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