My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
