Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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