Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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