I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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