they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
