My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
