I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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