Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
And then my night got REAL pukey
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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