Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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