Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
