I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
