I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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