All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
