I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
