Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
There r osticjed everywhere
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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