SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
