he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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