I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
