this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
