Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
