Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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