we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
