I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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