but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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