with your own penis?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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