Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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