hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
