I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
