Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My vagina just recognized that song.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
