he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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