Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
