I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
