My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
