my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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