Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
