WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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