I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
worst night to have a conscience
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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