She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
