I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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