Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
