I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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