never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
