Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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