im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
you never un-have a 4some
is that a dick in a sweater?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
