Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
