Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He passed out mid-signature
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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