please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize