Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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