never play flip cup with pint glasses
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
