I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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