I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Randomize
