Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
