only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
