It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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