I wish I could punch you in the face.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I didn't notice because vodka
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty