Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas