Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My ass is underappreciated
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
