You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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