Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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