idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
