you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
