When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
